The Rankest Compound of Villainous Smell That Ever Offended Nostril

Haylee this one is for you.
(And William Shakespeare for providing the wonderfully appropriate title for this entry)


It's Saturday night. What to do? Sit on our butts at home and drink cheap wine? See a movie? Drink cheap wine IN the movie? Meh. Let's do something different. The small problem with "different" is that we are in a fairly rural area of Florida, which is severely lacking in "different". Upon the suggestion of Captain Gordon we decided that we were going to try a bar called The Grove. So off we went.


The Grove wasn't bad at all. Despite the DJ blasting Girls Just Wanna Have Fun as we walked in the music wasn't half bad. The people watching was amazing. There were the two 40 something dudes at the bar being not-so-subtle about checking out the ladies, the cougar who danced like a wannabe stripper minus the pole & rhythm and the drunk girl who thought everyone couldn't take their eyes off her and her amazing dance moves.


After people watching for an hour Tara convinced me that we should dance. I was a little apprehensive about the dancing but then figured "What the hell?" and off we went as soon as a danceable song came on. So there we are dancing when all of a sudden we are hit. It was like a sneak attack. Like walking into a brick wall.....


THE STENCH.


People, I have never in my life smelled something that rank while in a public place. There is an unwashed body smell and then there was this, this SMELL. Now watching everyone on the dance floor react to it was pretty funny. At first it just seemed that people were jokingly making up new dance moves that involved waving their hands in front of their faces, holding their noses or smelling each other. But then IT didn't go away so the next logical step is to try to figure out where the hell it was coming from. My first suspect was an older lady in a red tank but after purposely walking by her I determined that she was not the smelly one. The DJ started playing some really lame songs so naturally the dance floor cleared out and the smell slowly dissipated.


Good song = dancing is back on. Guess what? IT is back. This time the dance floor parted like Moses parting the Red Sea. The only person left on the floor was a rather large woman chuggin' red wine and gettin' down with her barefooted(yes, barefooted, in a bar) self. I mean really, if they could bottle that mess they could use it as a bio-weapon. Release that nastiness and the enemy will shoot himself to end the misery.


So eventually we couldn't take our own dry heaving so we left. On the way home we invented a new game called "She Smells Worse Than ____________". We came up with some pretty funky stuff and we both decided that this woman did, in fact, smell worse. I'll spare you your own dry heaving and not share the items we came up with.


The night was not a total loss. Lots of laughing, a drink or three and a good story to tell. Good times.