Looks Good On Paper

I need a break. Seriously.

Up to this point my attempts at finding a guy normal enough to go on a date more than twice have been futile. I've come to the conclusion that most of these guys who haven't been snatched up are the type that "look good on paper". It's like a interviewing a prospective employee...great resume...kinda sucks in person.

Let's see...one guy invited me to dinner then ate before he came because he "got off work early". Um, how about you eat a SNACK, you jackass, INSTEAD of making me sit there and eat by myself since it's 8pm and I HAVEN'T EATEN. Because that wasn't awkward at all.....

Third date?  Is the Devil's tail frostbiten? Then the answer is No.

OR the guy who spent half the date trying to convince me it's cool if he lives with his parents because "he has his own wing of the house". Yeah, that's totally cool. I'd love to stay the night with you and have your MOM whip us up some breakfast.

I simply fail to see why these guys can just behave normally and why the universe just keeps on sending them my way....

The saga continues....

Submissive Kinky Nymphos....APPLY HERE!

Found this on a dating website. The chicks must be BEATING his door down. 

This the the photo this guy chose for his MAIN image.

THERE ARE NOT WORDS.

Ok, maybe there are...here's his profile..copy & paste. I can't make this stuff up.

I'm straight, single, with no children. I'm seeking an open minded female with common sense who doesn't play games. Someone curvy is a plus! I'm open minded about things even though I may have my own views. I'm laid back with a good sense of humor and love to keep up with current events. My favorite type of music is rock and my least favorite is country. Some of the things that I like to do are camping, hiking, shooting pool, swimming, and playing guitar. It's difficult to really get to know someone messaging back and forth. So, I'm only interested in someone who makes a serious effort to get to know me. I'm not all about sex. But, I do like it a lot with the right female. I tend to be more compatible with a submissive, kinky nympho who isn't afraid to show it. My kink is that I'm a fan of interracial. I like the contrast. When I'm in a relationship, I like to imagine my girl with a black man. Dating someone is suppose to be fun so lighten up! Distant prudes, fakes, liars, cheaters, back stabbers, women who let their children rule over them, badge bunnies, a daddy's whore[not to be confused with a daddy's girl], and women with a roster of f*ck buddies are a waste of my time. That probably weeds out about 99% of the women on this site. That's good because I'm only looking for ONE female who's apart from the rest.

Genetic Perfection...almost

As my perfectly clever friend Laura would say "Shannon's quest for beauty and brains continues.....".

I'm afflicted with being attracted either to the metro jock or the guy with the guitar. Sadly, most of these guys aren't the smartest of the smart to say the least. Now, to be fair(because they will both probably read this), in my recent past there is one of each of these specimens that have cleared the bar in the looks and smarts categories but the relationships just didn't pan out.

Ultimately, for me you can be very pretty to look at but if you can't carry on a decent conversation your stock drops into the red with lightning quick speed. Case in point...the guy we shall refer to as Abercrombie Guy.
He looked something like this:

Damn near physical perfection. He was spotted while my friend Kerstin and I were at Luckyfest checking out an 80's cover band. He was a part of the group that we were socializing with so I asked him his name. He struggled. It took about 5 seconds to figure out that he was not high, not over the top drunk...this guy was a special brand of "run Forrest run" DUMB. A little bit later he attempted to join a conversation we were having with one of his friends and when he walked away Kerstin looked at his friend and said "Is he slow?". Haha. At this point I had said nothing about Abercrombie's lack of functioning synapses. He was just THAT dumb. We got a replay later that night when they met up with us later in Midtown. My friend Seth had a field day with this guy. Seth had been briefed on our pretty but not-so-bright friend and he took full advantage. Took less than 15 minutes before Abercrombie realized he was outmatched and Abercromie walked out of our lives never to be seen again.

Not a big loss, but it got me to wondering about the correlation between looks and brains. I know this phenomenon is nearly viral in the female population and this has been confirmed by many of my male friends. It's like a pandemic. But we are female and it's generally accepted in our culture that we get by on our looks, not saying it's right...just sayin'. Men on the other hand are judged more on brawn and brains, than looks. So how does it happen that a guy is so good-looking that he literally skates by on just his looks? Clearly, it works for women but how do these pretty boys function in the real world? Guess, I'll never know cuz I don't hang around long enough with these brain-dead beauties to find out!

Online Dating - You're Doing It Wrong

Here's some more advice for the online dating scene:

• READ the profile before you send someone a message. 
• If cannot spell your own name or the city you live in correctly it indicates that either you cannot pay attention to detail or worse, you're just an idiot. SPELLCHECK boys.....

• When you ask someone on a dinner date you shouldn't eat before you go and make your date eat alone....just sayin'. You probably aren't getting another date after that.

• To reiterate previous advice: don't put up goofy pics as your main profile pic. If you are unsure ask a female friend what she thinks. Don't have any female friends? Then you might have a problem that even a dating profile can't hide.
• Texting is really not an acceptable form of communication for adults attempting to get to know one another. Pick up the phone!
• Try to say something more original than I like to travel, snuggle, drink wine and be the very best person I can be. We all generally like those things......