The Exit Survey

I'm a relationship kinda girl. It's a fact. I hate dating. Dating sucks. It's like being the Grand Marshall in a Mardi Gras parade where no one is who they seem to be and there is no end in sight. It's the ultimate masquerade.

I have a novel idea that I really wish would catch on. It's called The Exit Survey. This questionnaire is filled out by your ex about 3 months after you break up. This allows for both parties to move through the stages...

• disbelief(How did this happen to me?)
• denial(He/She will totally come back to me when they realize what they lost because I'm FABULOUS)
• raging anger(tears, screaming, burning effigies)
• pure hate(at this stage thinking about it blurs your vision)
• homicidal thoughts(this stage doesn't last long but is easily the most abstract but satisfying)

to that place where you still care...but ya don't. This is the perfect time for the survey. You've had time to analyze exactly what went wrong and why it wasn't your fault. Your ex, the annoying habits and psychological loose screws are not "salt-in-the-wound" fresh but they aren't gone either.

Perfect Timing. Here goes:

How long were you and Mr / Ms Wrong in a relationship? ____________________

Where did you meet?___________________________________ Was alcohol involved? ______

What was you're first fight about? _____________________________________________________Was alcohol involved?_______

What is your Ex's most annoying habit?______________________________________________

 What is your Ex's wierdest/grossest physical feature? You know....extra nipples, funky toes...etc______________________________________________________________________

Any issues with his/her family? Crazy Mama's, Psycho sisters, touchy-feely uncles......____________________________________________________

Any major psychological issues exhibited by your Ex?__________________________________

Are your Ex's friends cool or straight from hell?_______________________________________

Are they still BFF with any of THEIR Exes?____________________________________________

Did your Ex ever cheat on you?____________________________________________________

How did your Ex feel about animals and/or kids?______________________________________

Did your Ex spend their money recklessly or are they financially responsible?_______________
_________________If recklessly, please elaborate_____________________________________

Was your Ex quick to say "I told you so!"?____________________________________________

How did your Ex express anger?___________________________________________________

So.....Whose FAULT was the break-up?______________________________________________

Anything else the next girl/guy should know? (use additional paper if necessary)  _____________________________________________________________________________

There ya have it. Pretty much all pertinent  info you would need to know about someone you're about to date.  Would things be easier with one of these?